Repentance: Growing Into Perfection

How do we feel about Repentance?

What do you feel when you hear the word Repentance? What comes to mind?

To be honest, thinking about repentance sometimes brings up thoughts of my mistakes, about sitting in Bishop's offices, or trying to make things right with people who I've hurt...trying to repair things.

Maybe it makes you think of times when you've tried to change and failed. Maybe it's 'I should probably repent for this thing I've been avoiding, but I'm just not ready to deal with it yet.'

Maybe you're thinking: 'I wish I could just be good enough that I didn't need to repent so much.' Or maybe you've wondered: 'Why do other people seem to have this figured out when I keep struggling with the same things over and over?'

Being honest, I'm not satisfied with my current relationship with repentance. As I sat to write this talk, I wanted to better understand why I've struggled to feel joy around repentance and where my understanding is flawed.

How did one of God's most loving invitations become something that makes us want to hide rather than run toward Him?

What did Christ say about Repentance?

He said, "...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)

He also said, "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me." Mosiah 26:30

Elder Holland said "...However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don't have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines." (The Laborers in the Vineyard, April 2012)

We've been told in dozens of ways by the Lord and his prophets that no matter what we do, we will be forgiven when we repent. And according to Elder Holland, there's nothing we could do that would take us so far away from the Lord that we can't return, that He won't be there the instant we turn in His direction. Christ's invitations are empathetic, loving, inclusive, and all-encompassing.

So why, then, does the idea of repentance bring us feelings of fear, frustration, or self-loathing? How do we so badly miss the mark on this Gospel principle to the point where we feel the opposite of how we should about it?

As I've prayed about this talk, I've felt prompted to share some doctrinal truths that may initially sound culturally controversial—or even unexpected in our church. But I believe these truths can transform how we understand repentance and help us access the full power of Christ's Atonement. What I'm going to share might challenge assumptions we've carried our whole lives about why we're really here.

3 Misconceptions about Repentance

I want to talk about three misconceptions we believe about repentance that get in the way of understanding and receiving the loving Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The first misconception is that the goal of life is sinlessness. This is not entirely accurate. We were already technically clean and spotless in the Premortal Life before we came to earth—we hadn't yet encountered the opposition necessary to become unclean. In addition to coming here to receive a body and experience trials from an imperfect world, we came to commit sins. It is just as true to say that we came to earth to become unclean as it is to say we came to become clean. Both are merely short-term means to the end goal of this life—which is to use our agency to gain experience, to make decisions, to refine ourselves, to become like God and Christ.

The Lord said that His "work and [His] glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) The apostle Paul wrote that "We are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ." (Romans 8:14) We're here to become like them.

Like all of us, Alma the Younger came to earth to necessarily become unclean. Alma's uncleanliness led him to disrupt the church, to repent, to learn and grow from it, and then to serve and teach the Lamanites. You don't get the kind of man he became or the kind of impact he had in preaching the gospel to thousands without him first rebelling, receiving a visit by an angel, becoming paralyzed for days, and then leaning on the Savior to redeem him.

We are here to learn how to sin less. We are not here to have lived sinlessly. Using an analogy, the Savior doesn't hope we will become a garden free of weeds. He hopes we become an orchard of mighty trees that produce great fruit, weathered by storms with deep roots. Removing the weeds from our lives is the means towards the goal, not the goal itself.

Why does this distinction matter? A person who understands that sin is inevitably part of the Lord's plan for us will interact differently with the Atonement of Jesus Christ than the person who believes the purpose of this life is to avoid sin at all cost. One focuses on avoiding mistakes, the other is anxiously engaging in growth through mistakes.

With this understanding, it's clear we're not just here to avoid breaking the commandments. President Nelson taught us that we need to "[overcome] the temptation to care more about the things of this world than the things of God. It means trusting the doctrine of Christ more than the philosophies of men." (Overcome the World and Find Rest, October 2022)

Over time, are we finding ourselves more obsessed with politics, work, social media influencers, TV shows, movies, etc.? Or are we replacing these things of this world with eternal things? Have our desires changed over the past 5 or 10 years? Do you care more or less about the things of the world than you used to?

So remember, we're here to commit sins so that we can learn and grow to leave all worldly things behind.

The second misconception is that we think repentance is about paying up instead of growing up. We think we need to feel terrible, endure enough pain, or punish ourselves to prove we're serious about change.

Many believe that without sufficient suffering, repentance isn't real or complete. There are some in the church who worry that people aren't taking sin seriously enough if they don't seem to be suffering adequately. This creates a focus on how much we hurt rather than how much we change.

But this punishment-focused approach misunderstands Christ's role in the Atonement. The Savior already suffered for our sins. D&C 19:16 records His words: "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent." He suffered so we wouldn't have to.

True repentance isn't about paying a debt through our misery—it's about accepting Christ's payment and partnering with Him for transformation. When we focus on suffering enough, we're essentially telling Christ His suffering wasn't complete—that we need to add our own payment to the transaction.

Christ declared from the cross, "It is finished." (John 19:13) The payment was complete. Our role isn't to suffer but to change.

Why does this matter? Someone who sees repentance as requiring sufficient suffering will delay seeking help in order to focus on feeling bad enough. Someone who understands that Christ already suffered will quickly turn to Him and focus on becoming better.

Repentance isn't about earning forgiveness through our pain—it's about receiving forgiveness to enable growth.

The third misconception is that shame is proof we're serious enough. It is not. Shame is never productive and never comes from our Heavenly Father. After Adam and Eve partook of the fruit, Satan's first strategy was to convince them to hide from God rather than seek His help. This was shame's introduction to humanity—and Satan has been using it ever since to keep us away from the very help we need. Isn't it significant that the first recorded temptation Satan made to mankind after we had entered a state of mortality was to be ashamed of who we are.

There's a crucial difference between a productive godly sorrow that we feel and the counter-productive shame we are tempted to feel:

Godly sorrow says "I can do better" and draws us to Christ
Shame says "I am terrible" and makes us want to hide
Godly sorrow focuses on the action: "I made a mistake"
Shame attacks our identity: "I am a mistake"

Elder Uchtdorf said "there is an important difference between the sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and the sorrow that leads to despair."(You Can Do It Now, October 2013) We need to examine very carefully what kind of sorrow we feel and allow to take root in us. Sorrow for sin that leads to accountability and change comes from our Heavenly Father, but sorrow leading to despair and stagnation comes directly from Satan.

Satan gets us so confused that we can be tempted into feeling shame for things that aren't even sins—imperfect decisions like being late to a meeting, not maintaining good sleep habits, or making a poor decision with our finances. We are tempted to think that if we were just better people or more in-tune with the Spirit or if we prayed more or if we served more, then we would avoid these mistakes. We're shaming ourselves for something we shouldn't even feel godly sorrow over. Remember, we're not here to avoid mistakes at all costs but squarely to make mistakes and progress.

Shame actually gets in the way of the sorrow that leads to change. When we're consumed with how terrible we are, we can't focus on how to become better. Additionally, when we're forgiven, we don't suddenly become perfect at avoiding all future mistakes—we become people who can slightly handle the next challenge with greater righteousness.

The goal isn't to eliminate all feelings of remorse or sorrow, but to ensure that our sorrow leads us toward Christ, not away from Him. Shame is not a necessary form of payment for all those who seek repentance—it actually prevents true repentance.

Increasing Accountability

You might be thinking: 'This sounds like you're telling people not to worry about sin. What about those who need to take repentance more seriously?'

That's a valid concern, and the Book of Mormon gives us a perfect example of this balance.

I'm reminded of the Zoramites on their Rameumptoms. They climbed up on their towers once a week and declared: 'We thank thee, O God, that we are a chosen and holy people... and that thou has elected us to be saved whilst all around us are elected to be cast by thy wrath down to hell.' (Alma 31:17)

These weren't people paralyzed by shame—these were people who thought they had already arrived spiritually. They were comfortable, complacent, and convinced they didn't need to change.

If you're thinking 'Great! Now I don't need to worry so much about my choices,' then you're missing the point entirely. Growing towards godhood should make us take our choices more seriously, not less.

True understanding of our divine potential creates higher standards, not lower ones. Someone who truly grasps that they're destined to become like God will care deeply about every choice that moves them toward or away from that goal.

The Philosophies of Men

Once we understand these misconceptions, you'll start seeing Satan's fingerprints everywhere. He's not just causing random cultural problems—he's strategically attacking our ability to repent.

Perfectionism culture tells us we shouldn't need to repent so much. Cancel culture says past mistakes are unforgivable. Achievement culture ties our worth to performance instead of growth. Independence culture says strong people don't need help from anyone. Victim culture keeps us focused on who wronged us rather than how we can grow. Instant gratification culture promises change should be immediate and painless. Truth relativism says there's no objective standard to grow toward. Nihilism says our choices don't matter anyway. Self-care culture says discomfort should always be avoided in the name of self-care.

Each of these directly undermines our willingness to seek Christ's help. Satan isn't creating these cultural trends by accident—he's weaponizing them specifically to keep us away from the Atonement. When you can't admit you need help, when you can't believe forgiveness is real, when you can't handle the discomfort of growth—you can't truly repent.

The adversary has essentially created a cultural environment where every single aspect of genuine repentance feels wrong, weak, or impossible.

Partnering with Christ in Our Growth

So how do we actually partner with Christ in this growth process? How do we move from shame-based self-improvement to Christ-powered transformation?

First, we come to Him before we're fixed, not after. We can't clean ourselves up and then approach Him—we approach Him for the power to change. The Sacrament reminds us weekly that He's already chosen us, already loves us, and is ready to help us grow.

Second, we let Him carry what we can't. He doesn't just forgive our sins—He literally takes our burdens, our shame, our weakness, and transforms them into strength. In the temple, we learn that this partnership with Him is the source of our divine potential.

Third, we trust His timeline and His process. Sometimes change is immediate, sometimes it's gradual. But we're always in relationship with Him through it. When we mess up again—and we will—we don't start over. We just keep partnering.

The difference is profound: instead of 'I need to get better so God will love me,' it becomes 'God loves me, so He'll help me get better.'

President Nelson taught:

Jesus Christ took upon Himself your sins, your pains, your heartaches, and your infirmities. You do not have to bear them alone! He will forgive you as you repent. He will bless you with what you need. He will heal your wounded soul. As you yoke yourself to Him, your burdens will feel lighter. If you will make and keep covenants to follow Jesus Christ, you will find that the painful moments of your life are temporary. Your afflictions will be 'swallowed up in the joy of Christ.' It is neither too early nor too late for you to become a devout disciple of Jesus Christ. Then you will experience fully the blessings of His Atonement." (The Lord Jesus Christ Will Come Again, October 2024)

Take time this week to notice what your sorrow leads you to do: to shame yourself or to make positive change. This week, when you mess up, ask yourself: 'Am I hiding from God or running to Him?' That question will change everything.